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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28667952">take me back to the start</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawakkun/pseuds/oikawakkun'>oikawakkun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Gen, I Love Their Sibling Dynamic So Much, Older Twin Atsumu, POV Second Person, Relationship Study, no beta this 2021, that needs to be a tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:54:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28667952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oikawakkun/pseuds/oikawakkun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It takes you seventeen years, but you finally begin to understand.</i>
</p><p>Or: Osamu wouldn't have left his brother— even if for a moment he thought himself capable of it. He can't and he never would.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu &amp; Miya Osamu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>take me back to the start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Birthday Basil!!</p><p>i bet you weren't expecting this from me but here it is, a short miya twins fic just for you! since i already made jj a fic for her bday, i thought it was only fair i also make one for you (bc i love just as much!) anyway, please enjoy and i wish you a lovely rest of your birthday ilysm 😌💕</p><p>also, this fic is made up of bits and pieces of the Miya twin's relationship, and it ages backwards, beginning with their fight from chapter 381 (honestly, this was pretty self indulgent... bc i have a lot of hcs for the miya twins that i tried to incorporate on this fic and i hope you like it)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Seventeen.</strong> </em>
</p><p><em>I made up my mind a long time ago. </em>You practically snarl the words right at Atsumu's face, livid and so incredibly angry that you don't see the way his own heated glare drops for just a fraction of a second before it's back on his face once again.</p><p>You don't see the shock or the hurt in his eyesㅡ how could you when years of pent up frustration finally comes bursting out of your mouth like molten lava leaving nothing but ashes in its wake, and you're unable to stop it, nor do you want to.</p><p>Your chest is heaving by the time you were done shouting at Atsumu but your grip on the collar of his red jersey only grows tighter, refusing to let him go until he finally <em>listens</em>.</p><p>You're exhausted from the fight. You can feel it in the way your sweat keeps trailing down your forehead, and you can feel some of it start to make its way to your eyes. You feel a pinprick of pain from the sting but you refuse to blink. Your glare is piercing and harsh, demanding that Atsumu finally accepts his defeatㅡ accepts the fact that you can't live in a life of compromise forever.</p><p>This fight had been unavoidable, not when Atsumu's been increasingly insistent about volleyball being the best choice for the both of you. This victory against Atsumu and his stubborn ideal is what you've always wanted. It's what you've always <em>craved</em>.</p><p>This is what will finally silence the voice inside your head that's always been telling you that you're different, that you're nothing like your brother who's only goal in life is to keep playing a sport you've never really formed a special kind of attachment to.</p><p>But Atsumu doesn't even fight back from your grip, and his returning stare is a sad and broken thing. The look of misery on his face does nothing to change your mindㅡ but you feel your anger shifting, the feeling of frustration leaving your nerves as soon as understanding finally sinks in.</p><p>You are left feeling raw, completely at the mercy of Atsumu's own realization and promise.</p><p>
  <em>I'll be happier than you!</em>
</p><p>The weight of what he just said, of what you just agreed to, begins to crush you and you feel yourself smiling.</p><p><em>Good,</em> you think. </p><p>It was finally time to let go of this chapter in your life. You never really needed volleyball the way Atsumu needed it, his irrepressible hunger and never ending drive for improvement was always something you only saw in <em>him</em>.</p><p>Y<em>ou don't need things like memories</em>, you tell yourself.</p><p><em>And you don't need your twin brother to keep you from moving forward. </em>You want to tell him, but you don't.</p><p>Because deep down, you wouldn't have left your older brother— even if for a moment you thought yourself capable of it. You <em>can't</em> and you never <em>would</em>.</p><p>Because in the end, it's always going to be you and him against the entire world, even when you're no longer standing beside him on the same side of the court. You feel it burning within you, deep within the hard hot ball sitting under your breast bone, an understanding and reassurance that the two of you would conquer the whole world together.</p><p>You understand, now. And that makes your smile grow even wider.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Sixteen.</strong> </em>
</p><p>When Atsumu gets accepted to the youth training camp, you weren't upset.</p><p>It surprises you when the anger or jealousy you were expecting never came. Rather, relief washes over you once Atsumu's name was chosen. And when you see the way his eyes practically lights up from the coach's praise, you feel proud of him somehow. </p><p>"Look, 'Tsumu." You tell him on the way home after practice. "In terms of skill level, you and I are about the same." You say, enjoying the way his face scrunches up in anger at the challenge.</p><p>"No way, I'm head and shoulders better than you!"</p><p>"The thing is 'Tsumu, when it comes to the love of the game... that flames burns a bit more brighter in you than in me, you know?" You tell him seriously, ignoring the way the rest of the team was quietly listening. </p><p>Atsumu was surprisingly quiet after that. He also doesn't thank you for the praise, but you see the way he smiles at you then, all soft with something raw and genuine as he looks up at the afternoon sky with new found hunger and determination in his eyes.</p><p>He looked like he could eat the entire world raw.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Fifteen.</strong> </em>
</p><p>"Fuck," you cursed under your breath, hating the fact that you missed another set from your twin.</p><p>The coach had been at your throat since the start of morning practice, and Atsumu's increasingly demanding play has been a constant pressure on your own performance that you end up having your spike completely blocked.</p><p>you hear the rest of the team shout their reassurance with varying notes of <em>"don't mind!</em><em>"</em>  </p><p>But Atsumu barrels on, hurling insults after insults about your lack of skills to follow up on his tosses. "A guy like that needs to just drop out of the team already and let someone else have his position."</p><p>His last jibe has your blood boiling and you end you knocking him over with a swift kick to his sides.</p><p>You end up fighting, trading insults and punches the entire time until the rest of the team was finally able to break the two of you apart.</p><p>The coach was furious. And when the two of you got sent home with suspension letters for Ma to sign, you end up shoving it inside your bag in equal parts anger (at your stupid  older brother for being such an ass) and fear, cause there's nothing scarier than seeing the disappointed look on Ma's face when she finds out you and Atsumu got into another fight at school. </p><p>You notice the multiple cuts and bruises littering Atsumu's face and the lack of it on yours, and you take it as a small victory.</p><p>You ignore him for the rest of the evening, refusing to answer any of his questions and jokes even during dinner.</p><p>He doesn't apologize for calling you out on your poor performance earlier, and you don't apologize for the new sets of injuries on his face.</p><p>It's always been like this with the two of you.</p><p>Later that evening, you hear him offering to play winning eleven.</p><p>You hide your smile with a cough and before you knew it, he was already handing you your console as he started the game.</p><p>Your earlier fight and anger with him was already forgotten as soon as he lets you win the next ten rounds.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Fourteen.</em> </strong>
</p><p>You hear a few teammates whisper about him after practice ended.</p><p>You ignore the names and insults they mutter about Atsumu when you walked past them.</p><p>Your fists clench but stay glued to your side and you bite your lips to stop yourself from saying something just as rude and awful back. The taste of copper in your mouth does nothing to ease the anger burning inside your chest but you don't say anything back. </p><p>Because you promised Atsumu that you were going to get on the starting lineup with him this year. And you won't be able to keep your words if you got yourself suspended because of a fight.</p><p>"'Tsumu, Everyone hates you." You tell him after shoving a mouthful of rice during lunch.</p><p>"So?" He asks you, completely unbothered.</p><p>Atsumu doesn't let the other teammate's judgment and constant name calling get to him.</p><p>Because he's always been resilient and confident like that, and you're kind of a little jealous.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Thirteen.</strong> </em>
</p><p>You see Atsumu practicing on his own a lot more often now that he's insistent on getting the setter position.</p><p>You practically rub it in his face when the coach suggested you tried setting for the team during practice that day.</p><p>Unsurprisingly, Atsumu takes your constant teasing as a personal insult. You see him fuming near the net as he watched you set for the rest of the practice.</p><p>You also see the irrepressible hunger in his eyes as he watched your every move, burning and volatile like a forest fire as it took and took, soaking up all the information from each step and throw you aim.</p><p>It was as unnerving as it was fascinating.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Twelve.</strong> </em>
</p><p>“Back off, 'Samu,” Atsumu muttered, stepping away as soon as you moved closer to inspect the harsh bruise forming on his left cheek. “It doesn't ever hurt as much this time, 'kay? Just leave me alone."</p><p>"What the hell happened?" You asked, trying your best to keep your voice even.</p><p>"It's none of yer business." Atsumu stood his ground on principle against your questioning gaze, refusing to back off even when you could clearly see the poorly concealed pain on his expression.</p><p>"Is it cause they were makin' fun of me this morning?" You hear yourself asking, searching his face for the answer.</p><p>You see the fight leave him as soon as the question leaves your mouth, and you hear him sigh in defeat.</p><p>
  <em>So, you were right.</em>
</p><p>"They were sayin' yer onigiris tasted like shit." Atsumu confessed, still sounding annoyed. "I told 'em it's cause they were eating out of their asses." </p><p>You feel yourself laughing along with your brother after that, suddenly thankful that you have someone to watch your back.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Eleven.</strong> </em>
</p><p>You've been studying hard for this important test tomorrow morning.</p><p>Atsumu's right next to you, playing with a volleyball, completely unbothered as he kept humming the same song over and over.</p><p>"How are ya so relaxed?" You end up asking him, around the fifth hum.</p><p>"That's cause yer older brother's a genius." Atsumu shrugged, smirking as he kept tossing and catching the ball.</p><p>You end up throwing a pillow right at his face. </p><p>In the end, you scored a 98 while Atsumu got a 100 on the same test.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>Ten.</em> </strong>
</p><p>You've been helping around the kitchen more often now that Ma's taught you how to watch over the stove.</p><p>You've been asking her to teach you how to make something for you and Atsumu's lunch and she shows you a small notebook full of different recipes. You've been secretly trying to learn how to make tuna flavored rice balls for Atsumu since both your birthday's are coming up soon.</p><p>Ma's been helping you prepare for weeks and you end up with the perfect batch right on time to give it to him after school.</p><p>You see the way his eyes lights up after taking one bite and the grateful smile he gives you was enough to forget all the cuts and burns you had to endure the entire time you were making the dish for him.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe owning an onigiri business wasn't such a bad dream after all.</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Nine.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Even though you look exactly the same, Atsumu looks nothing like you.</p><p>You see the easy smile on his face and the way he can confidently talk to any stranger like he's known the person for years, and you know for a fact that you can never be like your brother. And you sort of hate the way people keep mistaking you for him.</p><p>Because you're nothing like Atsumu.</p><p>And you never will.</p><p>You hear him suggest dyeing both your hair a different color after breakfast and the idea stuck around. You both get excited over it and even end up staying up late just talking about what color you both want to go for.</p><p>Atsumu ended up asking Ma for permission the next day, and in the end, the two of you got scolded for your troubles.</p><p>But later that night, Atsumu tells you he'll get Ma to agree one day.</p><p>And Atsumu maybe an idiot most of the time, but he never breaks a promise.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Eight.</strong> </em>
</p><p>School ended hours ago and Atsumu said he'd be out for a while to get something from the convenience store down the street.</p><p>So when Atsumu got home later than usual, it didn't bother you at all.</p><p>You hear the front door click open and the first thing you notice is how Atsumu's completely soaked from the rain before your gaze lands on the small kitten in his arms.</p><p>"That's definitely not a cup of noodle." You say in a deadpan and you hear Atsumu snort from the door step.</p><p>The small calico meows at you and the sound has your heart melting at the sight.</p><p>You completely ignore Atsumu's knowing grin as you step closer to pet the kitten on the head, loving the way it was purring from your touch.</p><p>"Ma's gonna freak when she sees ya like this." You tell Atsumu, but your brother's already heading inside your shared room without another word.</p><p>You end up naming the kitten <em>tofu</em> that same evening.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Seven.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Atsumu always holds your hand whenever the two of you would cross the street.</p><p>You don't really see the point. You're more than capable of crossing the road on your own without your brother embarrassing you in front your classmates. "Can ya stop holdin' my hand on our way to school?" You ask him, the tip of your ears are tinged in red when you hear a few girls from the next class coo at the two of you.</p><p>"No can do, little brother." Atsumu says, holding your hand tighter.</p><p>"You're embarrassing." You tell him, still trying to break free from his hold.</p><p>"No, I'm being responsible." Atsumu counters easily. "And 'sides, I promised Ma that i'd look out after ya."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Six.</strong> </em>
</p><p>You wake up with unshed tears on your eyes and a loud cry of Atsumu's name.</p><p>Atsumu is immediately awake and alert as he searched for you within the darkness of the room. You see the relief wash over his expression as soon as he spots you completely unharmed.</p><p>And right away, you feel embarrassed for waking him up because of another nightmare. But Atsumu never says a word when he sees you climbing down the upper bunk to join him, he simply lifts his blanket up and allows you to curl up against his chest, wrapping his arms around you in a protective hug.</p><p>You sleep a lot better knowing that Atsumu's there to keep you safe.</p><p>No one's ever beaten Atsumu in a fight before, not even the scariest of monsters.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Five.</strong> </em>
</p><p>You're screaming in pain as you felt the blood slowly trailing down your leg.</p><p>You were playing tag with a few kids at the park when your foot tripped on a rock near the slide. Your left knee is cut and bleeding and you can't help the hot wet tears from falling down your cheeks as you continued to sob from the pain.</p><p>You hear Atsumu's worried voice before you see him.</p><p>"What happened?" He asks you, his eyes are frantically inspecting the open wound on your knee with a deep frown.</p><p>"Don't worry, 'Samu." You hear him tell you afterwards, trying to sound as reassuring as he can. "Atsu-nii's gonna make it all better."</p><p>You feel him place something on top of the wound, and when you open your eyes to inspect what it was, you see a bright yellow <em>pikachu</em> band aid.</p><p>"Pretty cool huh?" Atsumu says, admiring his handy work with a soft pat on your knee. "I was savin' that for a rainy day, but ya looked like ya needed it more than me." </p><p>Atsumu gives you a reassuring smile, and for a moment, you forget about the pain.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Four.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Atsumu is already able to say and write his name properly and you can't help but admire him for it.</p><p>You're not as good at talking or writing as your brother, and you don't really like writing the alphabet over and over. </p><p>You don't like school either.</p><p>Because the teachers keep separating you and Atsumu all the time.</p><p>Atsumu doesn't like it either, but he gets along really well with the other kids sitting next to his table and you can't help but feel a little betrayed, because Atsumu should only be smiling like that at you and Ma.</p><p>You end up getting scolded for not paying attention and you end up sulking about it for the rest of the day.</p><p>It's only when Atsumu gives you half of his lunch that you finally feel a little better.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Three.</strong> </em>
</p><p>You've been trying to keep up with Atsumu whenever he goes outside to play.</p><p>You see him try to catch a bunch of fireflies by the garden and you run to follow him. You hear him shout in glee as soon as he caught one in his hands, and he doesn't push you away when you tried to take a peak. </p><p>The soft light that radiated from the insect makes Atsumu look larger than life. </p><p>And for a moment, you think he really is.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>Two.</strong> </em>
</p><p>You've been placed right next to Atsumu inside the same crib, and you hate the limited space as much as you hated the fact that you're forced to share it with someone else.</p><p>You cry and shout to get your parent's attention, but Atsumu stays quiet the entire time.</p><p>You see Atsumu's hand slowly reaching forward to grab onto yours.</p><p>And even though you might hate the idea of sharing the same crib, at the very least you're neverㅡ not even for a second, lonely.</p><p>Because you have your big brother right next to you.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>One.</strong> </em>
</p><p>You're name is Miya Osamu.</p><p>And you're not alone, not really.</p><p>Because you have your older twin brother right next to you, and he will hold your hand as you both try to conquer this strange new world together.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as always, kudos and comments give me life :'D</p><p>also, i personally hc that atsumu actually let Osamu land a few more hits on his face during that one iconic fight!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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